fake-mermaid:

intensional:

i left the house today to hang out with my friends and 3 of my family members just texted me saying “wow you left the house :o”

image

(via ruinedchildhood)

panic-at-the-discount-store:

I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms

(via 2am-euphoria)

churchofsterek:

gallifreyslocked:

when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’

everyone lost their shit and i got second place

If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something

(via stability)

drunktrophywife:

If you don’t think I’m cute that’s your problem not mine

(via stability)

sextspert:

superwholock-at-hogwarts:

chevvybar:

hiddlestalker:

lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate you
Day 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbag
Month 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRR
Month 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? Please
Month 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.
Year 1: One down. 17 to go…
Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…
Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEART
Year 3: Oh thank god that’s over
Year 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shit
Year 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS

Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?

year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!

year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.

sextspert:

superwholock-at-hogwarts:

chevvybar:

hiddlestalker:

lifehackable:

More Life Hacks Here

Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate you
Day 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbag
Month 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRR
Month 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? Please
Month 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.
Year 1: One down. 17 to go…
Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…
Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEART
Year 3: Oh thank god that’s over
Year 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shit
Year 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS

Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?

year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!

year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.

(via ruinedchildhood)

thewomanfromitaly:

mynameistrolly:

diggly:

IS THAT DOG TEACHING A HUMAN PUPPY TO CRAWL

human puppy

the look on that fucking human puppy

"this bitch really just gonna 1-up me to my face"

(via join-or-die-fc)

"I spent like 10 years of my life pretending to fly around on a broomstick and you’re asking me if preparing for a love scene was ‘tricky’ because the other person also had a penis?"

(via join-or-die-fc)

mermaidsandmoshpits:

hopeless-fangirl:

THIS DISTURBS ME WHERE DID THEY COME FROM AND WHERE DID THEY GO


#cotton eyed joe

mermaidsandmoshpits:

hopeless-fangirl:

THIS DISTURBS ME WHERE DID THEY COME FROM AND WHERE DID THEY GO

(via join-or-die-fc)

autumnbois:

croatoanchristmas:

perfetic:

this is the most precious beautiful picture ever i cannot right now

for a second I thought they were cosplaying and I said “wow they look really similar to the guys in the movie

^^^^^^^^^^^^

autumnbois:

croatoanchristmas:

perfetic:

this is the most precious beautiful picture ever i cannot right now

for a second I thought they were cosplaying and I said “wow they look really similar to the guys in the movie

^^^^^^^^^^^^

sdzoo:

Give your kitty lots of kisses this Caturday.

(via positivelyporrim)

promiscuous-petal:

enough about sex positions has anyone discovered a reading position which doesn’t get uncomfortable after 5 minutes

(via join-or-die-fc)

mahbuddymycroft:

fivetail:

dopernose:

Back in prehistoric times it was just a free for all. God was putting antlers on everything and made 7 foot tall gophers with wings, it was a mess.

image

Look at this poor, impractical bastard. 

The prehistoric era was God’s Deviantart stage.

Now he just hides all of his stupid-looking OCs in the ocean where no one can find them.

I can’t not reblog this

(via autumnbois)

becomebraver:

I HAVE FOUND THE CUTEST THING ON THE INTERNET

becomebraver:

I HAVE FOUND THE CUTEST THING ON THE INTERNET

(via edwardspoonhands)

I fell into peer pressure and this is what happened. It's my blog: I like what I post and I post what I like. I post a lot of Disney because I like that a lot.

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